Glorious

As I drove from the hospital to the Ronald McDonald House the other night, my mind flashed back to two years ago.  I remember sitting at Time Out for Women and listening to Mercy River sing "Beautiful Life".  Tears streamed down my face as I sat there thinking, "my life is not beautiful".  "It's full of crying children, tantrums and frustrations.  I felt like my life was pointless.  I wasn't doing anything great or contributing to society at all.

The experiences I've been given these past two years have changed my view dramatically.  They've "forced" me to let go of selfishness, left me feeling completely helpless and trying to learn what faith really is.  Letting go of incorrect expectations and trying to see me as God sees me has helped me find beauty in my life.  Not focusing on the mundane but on the Eternal.

I know I have a long way to go, but I can now see how Heavenly Father has slowly molded my view of myself, my spouse and my sweet children into something glorious.  The first time I heard this song, it spoke to my heart!  Each one of us has a beautiful part to play in this symphony of life.      
 

Surgery and Angels!

Even though it's obviously hard to leave my boys for a week and then hand my little girl's life over to a surgeon, I'm grateful for this moment of time to just listen to music, ponder and write. It's a rare occasion that I have a big section of time to do just that.

After our trip to WA, driving with one child was a completely different experience.  We passed the time playing fun car games the boys would have quickly tired of and listening to Bryce and Elina make up silly stories.  

When we told Elina about her upcoming surgery, she took it really well but definitely had more anxiety than the first time.   Because of that, it was so nice to spend some fun, stress free, easygoing time with her in the car.   

Tue. was our "pre-op" day, x-rays, blood draws, vitals, etc.  This was Elina's favorite mode of transportation! (On Daddy's back)    

X-ray time.  When the nurses told Elina they were going to take a "picture" she said,  "Yeah, yeah, I know".   She walked in, said she preferred to sit on a stool, buckled the lap pad by herself and completely took the nurses by surprise.  Afterwords, she asked if she could get her sticker now.  (you'd think she's had a few x-rays before :)  

I love how decorated all the rooms are here.

They put us in Exam Room #7 - Lucky #7 and Elina is 7 yrs old.  Just a fun fact :)

The timing of the entire day definitely felt heaven led.  We finished earlier than expected and were still a little apprehensive about the next day's surgery.  Our Dr. just happened to have time right then to come find us and talk to us personally.  He was able to calm our anxiety and we felt much more at peace.  We left the hospital just as my cousin was getting off work so we were able to pick him up and had a lovely dinner with his family (even saved him a trax ride).  After visiting a bit and trying out their new marshmallow gun, we left just in time to meet Bryce's Mom for some super yummy ice cream.  She was on her way to Cedar to help with the boys.




All in all, it was a beautiful day.

Surgery Day:
Elina cried as we headed to the "see you later" doors.  As we hugged, I asked her what she was most excited for after the surgery.  Her answer was to watch Kung Fu Panda 2 and eat Ramen and a caramel milk shake.  It calmed her down enough to smile as they wheeled her away in her little wagon.

Walking into the R.McD. living room, we miraculously ran into our neighbor and good friend, Kelly Bolli.  Her daughter is here as well.  We shared a few tears, many words of comfort and walked away feeling uplifted and strengthened.   She along with many others have been angels on earth for us. I love the talk "The Ministry of Angels" by Jeffrey R. Holland.  Especially this quote: 
I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. 

We have a date.

When Elina was first diagnosed in April, we had no idea the extent of her condition. I really thought she'd have one surgery, fix the one hole, then be fine and healthy the rest of her life.

Now that we have a date for her 2nd open heart surgery (Oct. 1) I'm left to ponder, once again, the delicate balance of life. It's just so easy to pretend everything is fine. Especially in low altitude WA. She did sooo well there!

I had hoped for an earlier date but the timing will be perfect for my mother-in-law to come. She'll even be able to catch a ride with a friend who's driving to Utah that exact week. What a tender mercy!

What life is all about!

Night came at the ward/church camp out and I found myself in one of my most favorite situations:
Sitting around a crackling fire surrounded by my sweet children and husband with a sleeping baby on my lap.  Elina imagined magic in the tiny sparks that burst each time Aaron threw another stick in. With the brilliant stars above we sang along to Brother Sumner's guitar and I thought, "This is what life is all about". I could have stayed all night.

I also came to the realization that the church is truly patterned after the family.  As it says in the Family Proclamation we strengthen our faith as we teach and uplift each other on Sunday.  We work and serve together through visiting/home teaching and service projects then we enjoy wholesome recreational activities like the ward campout and Christmas Party, etc.  It really is like we're one big family!

 Elina's been begging to go camping all Summer so she was in heaven!  We were even able to get a small oxygen tank to bring along.  (Her air compressor is electric & bulky)

Much to Elina's dismay, our borrowed tent had some missing poles so we weren't able to sleep over. We did the next best thing though.  Slept in our nice warm beds then rushed back up in time for a yummy breakfast.  Aaron was so enthralled with the fire, he waited all morning with a little cup of water to put the fire out with.  

 Aaron's "termite stick".  He couldn't stand to part with it, so he stuck it in the back of the van to bring home!  

Love, Love, Love those big inquisitive eyes!

 Emmett at the fishing pond.  The youth did a great job on activities this year!

Emmett wasn't too sure about the rough terrain but he did leave my arms a few times to explore!

What a Weekend!

We had a hot but fun 24th of July celebration in Provo complete with cousins, wagon rides, huge corn dogs, pioneer crafts and a compass scavenger hunt (we only read it wrong once :)  

Then a long, full day of tests at the hospital.  Elina is such a trooper.  We weren't sure how she would handle her first MRI.  I've heard that people can get claustrophobic and panic or have to be sedated because they can't hold still.  Not this girl.  Elina ROCKED the MRI.  Not even moving once, she even fell asleep for a bit!  Her only complaint was that the nurse told her not to move a muscle then they kept trying to talk to her.  "How am I supposed to talk without moving my mouth!", she thought.

Meanwhile, I was entertaining the boys at random parks, getting lost, then up to the This is the Place Monument.  I thought a train ride would be fun but the boys refused to go without Elina.  I love that they never want to leave her out.

 After the final test I met with Dr. Day for the results.  I've been fasting and praying, very specifically, for a miracle...that the devices would be corrected and everything would be fine.  Well....he basically said there have been no changes since before her surgery!  The amount of blood flowing to her lungs is still double what it should be!  I was stunned.  How could she have gone through a big open heart surgery and have no change!  I guess it could be compared to covering up 6 holes in a 100 hole colander.  It really wouldn't make much of a difference.
So what now?  At this point we're looking at another open heart surgery sometime in September to place a PA Band around her pulmonary artery that will hopefully restrict the amount of blood flow to her lungs and also adjust the device that's blocking a valve.

After a fun reunion at the park, we were tired and almost headed home.  At the last minute we decided to join the family for a tour of  the Jerusalem site in Goshen where the church filmed the Bible Videos.  We decided that some things are worth being tired for and we could miss out on many great experiences with excuses of tiredness. As we walked through the set, it was easy to imagine us in the Holy Land, picturing the Savior preforming miracles, teaching, suffering in the Garden then on the cross.  As the sun set over the golden land I felt very close to He who is very aware of the details of my life and what we are going through.

I'm grateful I followed a prompting to pack our Sunday clothes because we stayed an extra day to attend church with my sister's family.  The lesson was on my favorite talk, Grateful in Any Circumstance. I've read it many times but a new quote stuck out this time.
"In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven's embrace."
As we discussed gratitude, a sister raised her hand and said, "The Savior didn't get the miracle He prayed for either".  He asked that His cup be removed but submitted to the Father's will regardless.  I know she said that for me.  Sometimes our miracles come in ways we don't see at first.  I'm so grateful the Savior continued down His extremely difficult path even though it might not have been what He wanted in the moment.

A Grateful Heart

Dr. Day called yesterday.  The Dr. at Stanford seemed to think that Elina doesn't need another open heart surgery.  Dr. Day said it sounded like he didn't see all three files that were sent though.  He's going to send him another letter just to make sure.  It feels like everything is still so up in the air and our life is on hold.  

As I was reading in this Month's Ensign the following quote really made an impression:      

When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation.....In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven’s embrace.
Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges. This is not a gratitude of the lips but of the soul. ~ Pres. Uchtdorf

In a way, it was almost easier when we were in the hospital.  I learned to rely so completely on God and felt so close to Him.  So comforted and strengthened.  Living back "in the grind", through the fits, fusses, everyday annoyances and unknowns has been much more difficult to stay spiritually strong. I love this quote and am reminded that it takes constant effort and faith to keep having a grateful heart!

Tests and Unknowns :(

A wise friend once told me, "There will always be those who have it better and those who have it worse but you still have to deal with your circumstances regardless of anyone else's.  It's ok to have hard days".
This has definitely been a hard day.
We returned around midnight from a very long day of testing.  The results were: Elina's high pressures are most likely a result of more holes and not the Pulmonary Hypertension (PH) which is good in the long run, but not so fun for now.  Both of the devices had some issues.  One is too close to a valve and causes it to leak and the other doesn't sit flush enough against the muscle to allow the cells to grow over it.  Dr. Day (the PH Specialist) doesn't quite know what to do.  He's going to talk to the surgeon and get another opinion from a doctor from a different hospital.  There's a myriad of options from another full on open heart surgery to different hybrid surgeries, etc.  Timing is also something they'll discuss.  Does it need to be sooner or later, etc.  I really really dislike the unknowns of this whole ordeal!! (if I weren't trying to teach my kids not to say HATE, I'd even use it)
And, if you're interested, here's what I also really dislike:
*watching my little girl cry after every poke, test, tape removal on her extremely sensitive skin, feeling left out, etc. etc.
*knowing every tax return, possibly for the rest of our lives, will be spent on medication
*talking to doctors, specialists, nurses, pharmacists etc. more than my family and friends
*having more bad news to share
*Even thinking about sending Elina through the entire surgery ordeal again :( :(

Even as I write this though, I am full of gratitude for so much such as:
The technology and knowledge to even do heart surgery in the first place
The wonderful medications that help the process sooo much
The fact that we even get a tax return :)
Medical Personnel who dedicate their lives to healing other people (I could never be a nurse)
My awesome Mother who was willing to come help me :)
Knowing that Heavenly Father is very aware of me and my family and that no matter what happens, we will be ok.

 We were able to spend a quick hour with my sister and her kids shooting alka seltzer rockets at the park and the other highlight of the trip was getting ice cream at the hospital after the final test was completed!

Ups, Downs and Blessings All Around

After Sat.'s BNP numbers at 209 we were sooo excited to go home.  All the staff, nurses, surgeons, etc. were gung-ho to send us home.  Clinically she looked perfect.  Just one doctor, the pulmonary  hypertension specialist, wanted us to stay.  We tried really hard not to be too disappointed but it was a really tough day.  

I'm so grateful they hold Sacrament services here at the hospital.  It was a very needed break from the "hospital routine" and also to know that we're all struggling together.  I loved a quote from Pres. Uchtdorf's talk "Grateful in Any Circumstances" We can choose to be grateful, no matter what.  This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of summer.  How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?    

Later in the day, Elina's milk carton asked if you had three wishes, what would they be?  Her wishes were to 1. Go home.  2. Get more prizes 3. Get a TV that works.  I laughed at the more prizes.  We piled up the stuffed animals, blankets, etc. she's been given.  I told her I'd post the picture and ask everyone if it looks like she needs more prizes. lol.  She's showing off her pretty blue nails a volunteer painted while we were at church.

She was not too thrilled to have to take a sponge bath, but we had fun trying to take selfies of the awesome "no rinse" shampoo!

She suddenly decided she loves pictures and also wanted me to take this one of her Carmel Milk Shake.

Since we hadn't seen the boys in a week, Grandma Caine was so nice to drive them up for a visit.  I really wanted them to see Elina in the hospital to help them understand a little of what she's gone through.  I worried about showing up at home and suddenly they can't jump and wrestle all over her. It made things a little harder to juggle, but was great to see my boys and nice to have a little distraction.  Daven wouldn't even come to me which in normal circumstances I would feel bad but as it was, I count it as a blessing.  He's very attached and cries for anyone but me.  This last week though, he has done soooo well sleeping, eating and even warming up to everyone around him!  

Monday: Elina's BNP numbers jumped again so back to the cath lab she went. After an hour or so, they called us back and wanted to talk to us both (never a good sign).  Grandma Caine watched the boys in the waiting room while we went back.  Apparently, they discovered more holes in the bottom of Elina's heart.  They aren't sure if they can fix them through a cath or if they have to go back in open heart.  What!! How could you miss a bunch more holes??  They explained that the bottom of the heart is very fibrous crisscrossing in and out and with the pressure restricting the flow, they weren't caught.  After the initial shock and frustration, we realized that it really was a hidden blessing.  If they had fixed all the holes at once, her heart probably wouldn't have been able to handle the pressure!  

Does she have any holes anywhere else in her body? Bryce asked.  "If anyone did it would be Elina," he responded only half joking.  "I'm just amazed that she is even alive and such a thriving, energetic little girl" I said.  "It's unheard of", he agreed.  So, now we wait until the surgeons have a conference on Wed. to decide what to do.     

The surgery went really well. Still a pressure concern but we'll take it a day at a time. The nurses say she looks great but it's hard for me to see underneath all the tubes and wires. She's waken up a few times and has a big dislike for the breathing tube. (who wouldn't  Crossing our fingers they can take it out first thing in the morning. She'll be on some heavy meds to help with pain and to keep her asleep. It won't be long until she can watch all the movies and eat all the slushies she wants. Something we can all be excited about!

Wahoo!! Sleeping peacefully with no breathing tube, nose tube or catheter! They're looking at moving her "upstairs" out of intensive care tomorrow morning  After a somewhat traumatic breathing tube removal here first words were, "Can I have a prize?" She's definitely gotten a few prizes along with a slushy & chocolate ice cream 

We have a Date!

The hospital called with a surgery date.  It's going to be Tue. May 13th.  I was pretty disappointed at first because Bryce's Mom was going to leave on the 15th.  It turns out that she is able to extend her flight for free.  We are so grateful she'll be able to help out and be here for a week longer than expected.

What a great day! We planted a seed experiment, threw raw eggs off the porch with different paddings to see if they'd break, lots of reading and even fit in a fast field trip to The Ladybug Nursery.  The kids had worked hard on a coloring contest before the "heart" weekend and really wanted their strawberry plant prize.  It was a quick, in-n-out trip at a low traffic (low germ) time but was nice to get out for a minute.  We planted them as soon as we got home!  I'm trying to make the days as normal as possible.  I think Elina is embarrassed with all the attention she is getting and does not want to talk about the surgery at all.  I'm sure she'll have more questions as it gets closer.  We did talk about painting little hearts on her nails for the surgery.  She was pretty excited about that!
Tomorrow her writing/art project is going to be to draw and write a bunch of thank you notes!  We have definitely felt so much support from everyone near and far!
Also, the hospital called and took a few of our preferred dates and will coordinate with the surgeons.  We'll hopefully have the exact date by the end of the week!

This note describes Elina's Sunday & Monday.  I was on the phone a ton & trying to figure out medical stuff so the kids were left to themselves & Wild Kratts (I know...so not me :) If you can't read it, it says,  "I'm Bored! I'm really really (seriously) bored! I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really bored!!!!!!

Elina had a much better day and didn't even mention the "B" word once (Bored). I wasn't as busy and we even had "school". I asked each of the kids to come up with a project with an Easter theme.  Elina wrote out a list of math problems and taught the boys how to count marshmallows into plastic Easter eggs. Later, two different visitors from her class stopped in & brought some great activities/gifts/cards/candy. She is such a sweetheart and immediately shared with her brothers. The only neg. experience was when I tried to put the oxygen nose piece on her. She cried, "It's going to make me look old. Like I'm 25. I mean 52!!

Elina's Story - The Day Our Lives Changed

Years ago, my Stake Pres. challenged us to look for Heavenly Father’s hand in the details of our lives...because He is there.  This weekend reaffirmed that great truth as I found him even in the tiniest details!

"Elina has a slight heart murmur", the Doctor said when Elina was born.  It is so minuscule that I can barely hear it.   “That's not a big deal”, I told myself.  People have heart murmurs all the time and they're very common, right?.  Her Grandma Caine has had one her whole life with no problems.  

Then at her 7 year checkup, as the pediatrician listened to her heart he said, "When is the last time we've looked at her heart murmur?"  “Last year when you said it wasn’t a problem”, I responded.  “Well, I think it’s gotten worse and you need to see a specialist….sooner than later!”  He gave me a referral to Dr. Susan Ethridge that comes down to St. George each month from Primary Children’s in SLC.

Wed. afternoon, (April 9th) a beautiful sunny day, Bryce dropped Elina and I off while he took the boys to the park.  After sitting through an hour echo cardiogram (basically an ultrasound of your heart) the doctor came in, sat me down drew a rough diagram of a heart and drew a big hole between the lower left & right ventricles.  She went on to explain that Elina was born with a hole in her heart...the kind they like to fix by 1 year old.  Now her heart has been malfunctioning for 7 years and the pressure has caused her to have a condition called pulmonary hypertension.  She needs surgery to fix the hole but at this point the pressure normally at 25 is at 100 and her body (especially heart & lungs) wouldn't be able to handle it.  I've talked to Doctor Don Day at Primary Children's Hospital and they have an opening on Friday to perform a “heart cath”.  They're going to try to see if they can get the pressure to come down and her arteries to relax using oxygen and some medications.  If it doesn't then they'll try a bunch of different medicines then come back in a week and test again, and repeat until it comes down and the arteries can relax.  If they can't get the pressure to come down...well, just pray hard that the pressure can come down.  (we were told later that if they didn’t come down she would be “inoperable” and would just have to grow up with a bad heart and eventually get on a waiting list for a heart transplant)  The rest of the appointment was a blur of phone calls, giving out tons of info., etc.   

As we waited for Bryce on the bench in the beautiful spring sun, I wanted to throw up, cry and scream all at the same time. This was not what I expected to hear when we went in for the check up.  I was flooded with all kinds of emotions.  Anger at my doctor for not discovering it earlier, guilt for not taking her in sooner, sick to my stomach that it might be my fault if she is inoperable, etc. etc.   

Elina hadn't heard the Doctor and had no clue what was going on so I didn't want to lose it in front of her and scare her.  

When Bryce picked us up and Elina was out of earshot I whispered that she has a hole and needs to have open heart surgery.  We couldn’t really discuss any more than that so we grabbed some take-out and headed for the the temple.  Walking around the temple grounds brought a sudden peaceful, clarity to my mind.  I could see so clearly that feeling guilty and frustrated, or blaming others would not fix Elina's heart.  It wouldn't change anything...just make me miserable.  At this point I could only look forward and say, "what can I do now?"  It was also reaffirmed in my mind that Heavenly Father has a plan for our lives and our days will not be numbered any less.  No matter what happens in the future, He is in charge and I can trust Him.

The next morning as we walked around with foggy brains, trying to pack for the unexpected my sister, Annie, knocked on our door.  She was just stopping by but after hearing our predicament, volunteered to come up with us to watch the boys so Bryce and I could both be at the hospital.  She also enlisted the help of my cousin, Heather, and were a huge BLESSING!  I can’t even imagine how horrible it would have been without them!

I mentioned to Annie that my senses have suddenly heightened about all the kids now.  Just crossing the street brought on fear that a speeding car would round the bend and hit us.  She commented that sometimes Heavenly Father gives us experiences to remind us that life is fragile.

Friday Morning (April 18th) found us sitting in the Primary Children’s waiting room with Elina wearing a “mask” to cover the residual cough from the influenza she was still getting over.  Now we know why she’s always sick and her coughs always sound soo awful!

I wanted to get a picture of us with the fun mural on the wall but “Frozen” had her mesmerized! I forgot to grab the sd card for my camera, so this is best I could do with Bryce's.

Apparently, she’s very used to hospitals/doctors because when a nurse brought in a little cloth doll to draw a face on and to be used to explain the procedure, she wasn’t interested.  When the doctor asked if she had any questions, she just shooed him away. Nothing could get in the way of her and Frozen!  I, on the other hand, had to step out in the hall a few times to put my head between my knees.  For some reason, hearing all the risks and everything that could possibly go wrong, made me a little nauseous.

After a big delay, (11:10 instead of 9:30) the time came.  We kissed her little cheek and held her hands as they blew “cotton candy” smelling anesthesia through a small blue mask over her nose.  When she closed her eyes, we were escorted out the door and finally let the tears flow.  The results of this moment would determine the rest of her entire life.

They handed us a beeper and said they’d be done in 3-4 hours.  With that assurance, we walked back to the University Guest House to say a prayer with the boys.  As we walked, I once again, was struck with the beauty of the spring blossoms and clear, warm air.  It felt as though Heavenly Father looked down on me and sent me a special hug from Heaven.    

After a family prayer, Bryce headed back to the hospital and I took the boys, Annie and Heather for nice drive and lunch.  The boys coughs’ made it hard to go anywhere in public, so they had been confined to the hotel room all morning.  We got lost a few times before I remembered the gps in the glove box.  We grabbed some Wendy’s and had just started a picnic at the “This is the Place Heritage Park” when Bryce called and said she was already done.  It was only 1:45pm.  Less than 3 hours!  That’s gotta be a good sign!  

We finished eating, packed up and rushed back to the hospital. “They'll be able to operate!”, Bryce exclaimed as I walked in.  I never imagined how good those five words could have possibly sounded.  After we got Elina settled in the recovery room and comfortably watching Charolette’s Web, the Doctor pulled us aside and showed us the pictures of the procedure.  They found there were multiple holes in the septum between the ventricles  with the largest one directly below the valve.  They would definitely have to do open heart instead of repair it through the arteries, but it was still a HUGE relief! Another blessing: They also found a very small (2mm) hole in the Ductus Arteriosus, the artery that closes off at birth. This is actually a good thing because if the Dr.s are wrong and there is too much pressure after surgery, the hole will act as a pressure relief valve and in fact, they'll probably go in and make it bigger to let more blood get to the lungs!   

So after 6 movies and two slushies we were able to take Elina back to the hotel.  After we got her settled in, I took Emmett and Daven for a drive to buy some cough meds...and secretly hoping they'd fall asleep :) As I pulled out of the parking lot I looked up I had to catch my breath at the beauty of the sunset. It really was just a typical sunset...nothing particularly special but seeing it through different eyes and greater perspective made it gorgeous! Another witness to me of God's love! Almost like He sent it just for me:)

Well, the drive didn't work and we had to keep the kids from jumping all over Elina. I thought the night we found out about the hole was bad, but this night was much worse.  A constipated Emmett stayed up until 1:50am crying and squirming.  I handled the other kids waking up throughout the night pretty well until 5:50am when Aaron started screaming and flipped on the light with a bloody nose.  I was feeding the baby so told him to run into the bathroom and get some toilet paper.  He was running all over crying and dripping blood down the white blankets before he made it to the bathroom.  By the time I made it in, he had just stuck his nose on top of the entire roll of TP. The rest of the morning didn’t get much better so it was a relief to finally head home!! 

An awesome neighbor delivered lasagna and these super yummy cake pops right as we got home.

This evening another neighbor brought dinner and a bag of crafts in case Elina gets bored! It's a good thing because after staying home from church she's been complaining of boredom ALL day!            

At this point the hospital will be contacting us this week to schedule the surgery.  We’re hoping for the first part of May because Bryce’s Mother will be here for a previously planned visit for 9 days.  Now all we have to do is have Elina on oxygen at nights to help her arteries relax and make sure she doesn't get sick!!!  I think I’ll just home school her for the rest of the year.

This weekend has felt like a year.  It’s amazing how one moment, you’re chasing kids around and making dinner and the next your entire life has changed!  I’m grateful for the wonderfully supportive family, friends and neighbors I have.  We have been very blessed through the entire experience.  

When I’ve heard others say they could feel the support of everyone praying for them, I thought it sounded a little cliche.  Through this experience, I’ve come to know that it isn’t cliche at all.  I felt a power and peace I don’t even know how to describe.  My mind was clear and in situations that would have typically left me irritated, ornery or even yelling at my kids, found me understanding, patient and loving.  After 3 sleepless nights, I didn’t even feel tired.  I felt a mantle of strength placed upon me. One night as I pondered this, I had the distinct feeling/impression that this power coming to me from everyone’s prayers.  It was a beautiful feeling and I am very grateful for the many prayers that were sent our way.